About Caroline

When I had my first child, I was unprepared with how hard it would be to lose the weight I had gained in my “free-for-all” pregnancy. Between children, I began drinking and returned to fad dieting. After having my daughter, I suffered with postpartum depression. I started drinking every night, and burying my depression and frustration in food. I realize now that this lifestyle not only affected my body, but it affected my attitude, which affected my relationships, including my friends and my husband. I remember being terrified to commit to a new diet because I knew it meant I would have to give up drinking (which would force me to face my feelings) and the foods that I loved, which I sadly and mistakenly believed were the only things that brought me joy.

After a well-meaning ultimatum from my husband and sister, I started a pretty intense three-month diet and exercise program out of OKC. I kept hitting goals in the program, which felt great, but I would feel terrible guilt and shame each time I backslid. Food was still in control. As I went through the program, small things started to gradually change. I started to slowly realize that my successes and failures were determined by my own choices, and that junk food didn’t make me feel as great as it once did.

After hitting a year on my plan, and with my husband’s support, I decided to compete. After months of strict training and a devastating loss on stage, I felt as if all my work meant nothing. I had desperate thoughts of redemption on my mind, and suddenly all I wanted to do was WIN something. At this point, my amazing trainer asked me to take a step back and evaluate what it was I wanted out of all of this. He told me that even if I had won that would not make me feel any better. He said “what makes you happiest? What makes you want to get up every morning?” When I had no answer to give him I knew I had some soul searching to do. I realized then that I was not happy existing in the all-or-nothing mentality. I was happiest when I felt in control of my life and my food choices, but also wasn’t depriving myself. Instantly I knew that I wanted to help other people feel that way too.

For the first time in my life, I have control, and it is because I have practiced discipline for so long that I have formed solid daily habits that move me closer to my goals every day. I don’t beat myself up anymore over “eating something bad” because I now recognize that there are no “bad foods.” Food is just food, and when you place any more importance upon it than that, you give it control. I find it ironic that the word that people used most frequently to describe “Old Caroline” was “irrational.” Now, I am described most as “relatable.” This is only because I am sharing my story and my struggles with you.